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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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