i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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