This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
