a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
