dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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