um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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