For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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