I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
