What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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