Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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