So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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