Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
