I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
