No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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