I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
