Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to get me chipped asap
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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