she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
