I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
