I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
