Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
