Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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