I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
