I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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