I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
