he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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