I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
