the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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