My first STD was from a foam party
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
