Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
