I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you never un-have a 4some
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
