I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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