Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My friends, they love my intelligence
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize