I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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