Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
