too bad you live with your parents still
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I die, sorry about rent.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
