I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
