Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
