Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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