its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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