OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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