Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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