she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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