He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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