I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
