so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
