The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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