I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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