i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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