tonight lets celebrate not being married
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
