Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
