oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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