So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
