Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
