Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
