Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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