What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
