So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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